Page Two–Under Surveillance

Now that I’ve got a page under my belt, I don’t want to waste the momentum.  So I’ve jumped straight into page two with a vengeance.  I had the idea that as the salesman (who has now been named by the way – Jim Randall – everyone calls him Randall) enters the Production facility, he is observed via security camera.  In this entryway I have placed a coat rack directly beneath the camera and a world map on the opposing wall.  There is the main glass door entrance from the outside on the left and a glass door entrance to the lobby on the right.  To create a sense of movement, I thought I would fracture the frame into a series of camera moves – the perspective of the area changes as the camera follows Jim from left to right.  The action is the entry through the left door (with a BUZZ as the door is remotely unlocked), removing his hat, removing his coat and finally stepping through into the lobby.  I thought I would also have an unseen receptionist welcome him over an intercom.
Here’s the first sketch:

I am making an attempt to show the extreme perspectives and slight ‘fish eye’ you would see from an overhead camera.  I then created a separate layer for the final frame template and filled it in:

And have now begun the first ink on the middle section:

Any thoughts?  Feedback?